Necessary Heartbreak by Michael J. Sullivan

Author:Michael J. Sullivan [Sullivan, Michael J.]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Publisher: Pocket Books
Published: 2010-05-01T04:00:00+00:00

9

FALLING

BACK UP

Elizabeth joined Michael on the rooftop that evening while Leah remained downstairs. The previous day’s events had left them exhausted both emotionally and physically. For a while they sat in silence, enjoying the peaceful view before them.

Michael was the first to break the silence. “It’s so beautiful here at night.” He caught Elizabeth studying him thoughtfully. “What are you looking at?”

“Nothing.” When he refused to look away, she shrugged. “It’s just rare that I see you”—she hunted for the word—“smile.”

“I smile!”

“No, Dad, you don’t.”

Michael thought a moment, then shook his head. “I don’t, do I?”

“Nope.”

He sighed. “I guess I haven’t had much to smile about over the years.” After an awkward moment of silence, he added, “I miss your mom.”

Elizabeth shifted nervously and tried to change the subject. “Look at those stars, Dad.” She pointed to a cluster in the sky.

Michael stared at his daughter. “Elizabeth, you always change the subject when I talk about Mom. Why?”

She looked away. “No reason.”

“There’s got to be some reason.”

“There’s no reason, Dad, okay?” Elizabeth edged away slightly, still focusing on a group of stars in the clear, dark sky. “So pretty,” she tried to say, but the words got stuck in her throat.

“Oh, honey, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to upset you. It’s not easy for me to talk about Mom either. I just felt this was a good time.”

Elizabeth cried harder, and Michael wrapped his arms around her. “Talk to me, sweetie.”

She turned to look at him, eyes red and watery. “Do you really want to know how I feel about Mom?”

“I think so, but we really haven’t talked much about her.”

Elizabeth tried to wipe away her tears. “I feel terrible. I feel horrible. I get so upset when you mention her.”

“Why? Why would you get upset? Haven’t I told you how much we wanted you? How excited we were when we found out it was going to be you?”

She nodded weakly.

“Then why do you feel so horrible when I talk about her?”

Elizabeth leaned against him and sobbed heavily. “Because she died when I was born.”

Michael held her tightly and rubbed her back. “Oh, honey, oh, honey. You don’t think she would have lived if you weren’t born?”

“I don’t know,” she said, trying to catch her breath.

“No!” he said emphatically, cutting her off. “I can’t believe you ever thought that. Why would you ever think that?”

“I don’t know. We haven’t spoken much about that night.”

“Well, but I think you can understand why I don’t like to talk about it, right?”

Elizabeth nodded again.

“You know, Elizabeth, I have never been able to forget that night for many reasons. First, I lost my best friend. Second, I feel responsible.”

“Responsible?”

Michael hung his head. “If I had just stopped her . . .” His voice trembled and then trailed off.

“There’s nothing you could have done, Daddy.”

They sat there quietly for several minutes, gazing upward at the night sky in all its heavenly glory. Suddenly Elizabeth cleared her throat. “Have you ever thought about finding someone else?” she blurted out.

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